My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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