your room smells of hookers.
And success
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
