hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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