so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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