It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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