Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
