I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize