Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
