You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
