We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
