Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
