YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
