You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a hot homeless man
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
