Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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