batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize