I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
