Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
