You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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