Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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