The best revenge is premature balding
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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