Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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