People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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