Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Say something about gay babies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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