You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
