Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bring me that man meat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
