dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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