is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
