maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
