I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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