It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
