Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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