So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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