Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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