I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
