I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
