I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize