What a fucking waste of an outfit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
