what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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