; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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