so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
