Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
