Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
