Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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