I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
