Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize