I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
