Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
