Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
