dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
