..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
