Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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