Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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