I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize