Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
