Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
