You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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