Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
