all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
