The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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