My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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