I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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