we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
