It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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