Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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