Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
