I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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