i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
