I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
