Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
