maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
