Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize