its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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