Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
