Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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